Tag Archives: Satire

“Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.” — Dwight Eisenhower

From: http://www.bspcn.com/2010/03/23/no-to-socialism/

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock, powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US Department of Energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I watch this while eating my breakfast of US Department of Agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the US Congress, and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the US Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads built by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank. On the way out the door, I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After work, I drive my NHTSA car back home on DOT roads, to a house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and Fire Marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.

I then log on to the internet which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration and post of FreeRepublic.com and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t do anything right.”

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“I saw cotton and I saw black. Tall white mansions and little shacks. Southern man when will you pay them back? I heard screaming and bull-whips cracking. How long? How long?” — Neil Young

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Good and Bad.

As we all know, there are only two kinds of people in this world: good guys and bad guys.  Anybody who tries to tell you differently is probably a communist, and should have acid thrown in his granola munching face for being a God-less baby killer.

It’s true though, only two types of people.  For the sake of convenience, I am going to refer to the good people from this point onwards as “white” and the bad people from this point onwards as “black.”  As we all know, God is light, so anything that is lighter in colour is inherently more God-like than anything darker in colour.  Ergo, good equals “white,” and bad equals “black.”

Now don’t confuse these labels with racial labels.  Though the Godliness of all things lighter in colour is utterly undeniable, and should not escape the notice of any thinking man’s considerations of race, I am speaking of an entirely different sort of white and black.  Any man who calls me racist for choosing such appropriate labels is, in fact, guilty of stone-throwing, and Jesus Christ told us explicitly that all those who throw stones are Muslim Terrorists.  George W. Bush, the great prophet, told us to “smoke-out” those who promote such ignorance and hatred, and I will smoke you out if you call me racist, with the divine wrath of God himself at my back.

Now again, all the people in this world are either white or they’re black.  And it’s important that we are able to spot the black ones, and that we teach our children to spot the black ones, so that they may not be perverted by the black, heathen ways.  Don’t you think for one single moment that your neighbourhood is safe from the black menace!  Don’t you dare!  This very moment, they are gathered in the dark places, conspiring on how to destroy the minds of your children with their Commie-loving, Freedom-hating propaganda.  We must remain vigilant people, or our just nation will be destroyed from the inside out by the black terrorists.

Do you know how to spot a black person?  I have found that black people generally avoid four major things, in the same way that rats and cockroaches avoid light.  They are: God, Goodness, Earning and Rules.  One might say that black people are Not Interested in God, Goodness, Earning or Rules. To help you teach your children this crucial “How to spot black people?” checklist, I have found a simple anagram: NI:GGER, works very well.

Now, you may be wondering, ‘how do I know if somebody is not interested in goodness?’  Well, there’s an easy trick, and that is to look at the colour of their eyes.  Remember: light equals good and dark equals evil.  As such, science has proven that any person with darker eyes than you is probably an evil NI:GGER, and it is your duty to see to it that their children are emotionally crippled, so they can never grow strong and destroy the minds of our pure, honest white children.  One good way to begin the long process of emotional destruction is to begin calling them “NIGGER” or “blacky” in public at every possible opportunity, thus using God’s divine stigma to destroy their sense of belonging and self-worth.   Spray-paint that has been blessed by a white priest, or his young male alter-boy is also an effective way of attaching God’s “NIGGER” label to all the blacks and black-lovers alike.

A hatred of God is a bit trickier to spot, but is found primarily in the behaviour of the black people.  Now there are loads of God-hating behaviours, and I don’t have time to get into all of them, but if you see a man without his hair cut, or holding another man’s hand, or wearing jewellery, or if you see a woman out flirting, drinking or talking above a polite whisper , well, then you’ve probably caught yourself a NI:GGER, and should rustle up an angry mob of peace-loving white folk just as quick as you can throw a bed-sheet over your head, to put the fear of the devil into those blasphemous blacks.

God said clearly that to get to heaven, we should sell all the camels and needles we can find.  This is a divine affirmation of the virtue of capitalism.  Any “person” who suggests that there is even the slightest thing wrong with making as much money as possible is not only a Communist spy, but also wants to drink the blood of your beloved family pets.  Read the words of Carl Marks if you don’t believe me!  Yes my friends, even the slightest distrust of earning is a dead-giveaway of a NI:GGER infestation.  If you hear such poison as “fairness” or “equity” or “justice” being inflicted on innocent white ears, God commands you to let His kind Words ring out from your heart: “Burn in hell you Terrorist, Communist NIGGERS!”   And remember, God loves it when you are loud, so when you shout, shout with the fire of the Holy Spirit in your belly.

Finally, black people hate rules.  From the ten-commandments on down to “don’t walk,” you can bet your favourite ivory cat statue that if there is a rule being broken, it’s a NI:GGER who’s breaking it.  It was God who decided who should be men when He first called us people.  Who is surprised that all those women and black people banded together, changing the rules so that they could be people too?  Typical NI:GGER behaviour, if you ask me.  And it’s just not natural – who ever heard of a black “person” anyway?  No, we have a defined order in this country, and anyone who suggests that anything about that order should be adjusted in any way, shape or form should remember that God made some “people” out of ribs for a reason.  He knew that when we they was done being productive, that they could and should be thrown to the dogs, so that by picking the black meat off their black bones, the dogs could gain the strength they need to carry out their important dog-duties.  That’s the rules, and any NI:GGER trying to stand in the way of our perfect laws should be trapped, slathered in holy bacon grease, and left for a pack of under-fed strays.  This is the great circle of life.  Amen.

Following these simple rules, it should be possible for you to spot the blacks in your midst, and train your children in how to deal with this vermin.  Now don’t bother trying to fix the black people.  You can’t turn a rat into a song-bird, and you can’t turn black into white.  Remember, we are the good guys, and there is no need for us to tolerate any form of intolerance.  It is our duty as Christians to root out hatred, strip it naked, throw a sack over its head and string it up for everyone to see.  We are free, after all, as God intended: free to shop wherever we want, free to eat as much as we want, free to protect our families from all enemies, foreign and domestic.  These eternal words were written in Biblical Patriot Constitution of Rights, and it is our “Divine White” to ensure that God’s Will be done, to the letter.  Burn in hell you terrorist NI:GGERs!   The good guys are coming for you!

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